if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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