I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
