i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
