Your tits are I can't wait for
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
