Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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