Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
