All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
