I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
