if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
