My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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