those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't deserve a penis
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Randomize
