To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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