so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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