why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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