You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How external is "for external use only"?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
