the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
