I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
