I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i drank out of a bidet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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