I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
