You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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