Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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