Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
