I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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