Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
