we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
