i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
