i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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