There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
