do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
