im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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