Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
