Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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