No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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