i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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