We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
