I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
