found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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