about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
