I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
