She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
