So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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