Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
