There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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