youre lurking in front of me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
