I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
