I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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