it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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