Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I smell stomach acid.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
