i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
