captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
