best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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